Last night I had a dream. In one part of this dream, I was watching a comedy sketch show, like SNL but British. Below, I have faithfully recreated a sketch from that show…
The Most Charming Man in the World
Backstory (on title card scroll, narrated): During the learned and erudite times of the Renaissance, there was a man so charming that he was known as the Most Charming Man in the World. Cursed by an evil wizard, the Most Charming Man in the World is frozen, a statue, returning to life only moments a day to offer his wisdom and advice.
Setting: Exterior, a town square in Elizabethan England. The Most Charming Man in the World (Ian McShane) is frozen, statue-like, in a regal pose. He wears an exquisite jerkin over a white satin doublet and matching padded hose, with a puffy, round plumed hat. A nobleman and his wife stand before him.
Nobleman: Any moment now, I’m sure of it! There, you see, he returns to life! Quickly, good sir, before foul wizardry takes thee again. My wife is barren, unable to have children but I desperately want them. Should I buy the children of the poor?
The Most Charming Man in the World: HellOOOOOO! Fear not, my good man, you may have my BUTT BABIES! [He lifts a leg theatrically and farts loudly.] I have THOUSANDS of them! [He farts again, leg in the air and face contorted.] Ooooh, thaaat was a BIG ONE!!
The Most Charming Man in the World resumes his noble pose and once more becomes a statue.
Then I woke up.