This just in: John McCain was a POW

I don’t know if you know this, but apparently, McCain was once a POW.  This has resulted in such things as him loving ABBA, not knowing how many houses he owns, and so on.

In light of this, I’m compiling a list of things caused by McCain once having been a POW. Feel free to offer your own!

Things caused by McCain once having been a POW:

-likes to use the term “chums”
-wets himself when he sees a white cat
-prefers drinking Johnny Walker Black
-once shot a television with a .357 Magnum because MASH was on
-hates granola bars
-thinks anime’s story lines are overlong and complicated
-can’t figure out his emails
-likes riding rollercoasters

-likes the flavour of lemon drops, but hates lemons
-refuses to use pencils with lead softer than 2B
-once owned a dog he named “Little Gook”, whom he loved with all his heart
-thinks that more drilling is a good solution to the energy crisis, and marital problems
-speaks American, damn it
-doesn’t like dice games with barons and earls
-never made a trip to Harlem dressed in fancy pearls
-thinks Kim Jong-Il’s glasses are ridiculous

-cannot play Metal Slug; too close to home
-wants to go to Paris and sip coffee at a nice café, watching the world go by
-does not believe the expression “takes one to know one”
-erupts into violent action upon smelling vanilla
-still loves baking
-called his wife a cunt
-prefers helicopters to motorcycles
-likes the colour blue
-refuses to wear jewellery of any kind

-the smell of adobo makes him break out in a sweat
-loves NASCAR parties, but not NASCAR
-doesn’t know how to love
-can read Vietnamese menus
-enjoys linedancing
-thinks the word “cornmeal” is just weird, man
-does thirty push ups and sit ups each morning
-doesn’t flush when he pees, only when he shits
-prefers to drive stick

-Hates the Flintstones, loves the Jetsons
-Knows all the words to “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida”
-Doesn’t realize this isn’t impressive, since the song only has two verses
-Secretly longs for a good curry when he’s sick
-Thinks Sarah Palin is a good VP choice
-Hates the Simpsons, loves Futurama, but only the first season
-Believes in America
-Loves fatties

It’s a mighty list.


Leave a Reply