Foo says:
I’m also partially cursed, and cause the Leafs to lose when I watch
Da5id says:
The leafs lose anyways
because they suck!
Foo says:
you suck, whorebitch!
Da5id says:
except pat quin
Foo says:
Pat Quinn = *
Da5id says:
yes
however my favorite teams are Vancouver first, Ottawa Second
Foo says:
he plays every position in the Leafs’ management
Da5id says:
simply because those are the places I have lived.
Foo says:
he even gives the massages
Da5id says:
yep
Da5id says:
he did the same thing at vancouver
it was weird seeing him selling pizza and beer at the games too
Foo says:
I heard his massage can bend rebar
Da5id says:
i heard he can pound nails through 3 inch thick plywood boards with his dick.
Foo says:
I heard he once crushed a puck into dust with his teeth
DUST
Da5id says:
i heard he sharpens skates with his buttocks.
Foo says:
he then ate the puckdust, and crapped out the Loonie they planted under centre ice
Da5id says:
Da5id says:
I heard pat quin once got drunk and punched a hole in a zamboni.
Foo says:
that one’s true
I was there
it was after his heart attack
Da5id says:
Pat Quin is so tough.. one time he cross checked God.
Foo says:
I remember that!
God went over the boards and into the Leafs’ bench
God climbed out and shook Quinn’s hand. They have a BBQ every fortnight
Da5id says:
Pat Quin can’t actually skate… what he does is move the entire rink around underneath him, using only the power of his mind.
He GMs in the same way.
One time a ref gave Pat Quinn a bench minor for being too awesome… so Pat Quinn punched him so hard that his wife had a miscarriage.
Everytime the Leafs win Pat Quinn will eat the heart of the opposing coach, to gain his strength. The only reason there are any coaches left in the NHL is that the leafs suck.
Foo says:
I heard that everytime someone badmouths the Leafs, Pat Quinn’s neckhairs raise.
Neckhair-related homicides are up by 89000%!
Da5id says:
I heard that Pat Quinn is so potent that he has to carry a fire-arms license for his genitals.
when he travels, he has to check them in his luggage.
Foo says:
This one time, Pat Quinn was asked to check his genitals in his luggage, but he was just getting over a bout of the flu and was quite testy, so he smacked the security guard with his wang, paralysing his face. To this day, Jean Chretien recounts that story with fondness.
Da5id says:
Pat Quinn once coached a team of 6 field mice to the Stanley Cup Finals. None of them are on the Leafs anymore because of the salary cap.
Foo says:
It’s true
One of those field mice: Commisioner Gary Bettman
Da5id says:
I knew I recognised his whiskers.
I heard that Pat Quinn is actuallyg a robot sent back in time to save Sarah Connor… except he decided to coach Hockey instead.
Foo says:
Pat Quinn is the original sculptor of all those moose you see around Canada. Except he doesn’t craft them, they’re found in his leavings, each with a note dictating where it is to be placed
Da5id says:
He has artistic bowel syndrome.
Foo says:
More commonly referred to as, "Pat Quinn Disease"
Except that he slaps anyone that calls it that with his *ow*
when Pat Quinn was a baby, his diaper was crafted from Kryptonian fabric. Scientists believe this is what gives Superman his powers.
Da5id says:
Pat Quinn was the first Prime Minister… he only lets John A. MacDonald have the credit because he doesn’t want to seem greedy.
Foo says:
Pat Quinn was responsible for the creation of the Canadarm. It was actually a device he fashioned from left-over chopsticks and beer cans to be used to open his fridge
the original was powered by donuts
and his rage, of course
Da5id says:
Pat Quinn donated his lucky Jock to the NHL after he was done as a player. It forms the bowl of the Stanley Cup.
Foo says:
I heard the reason it was dropkicked into the river was because it was impregnating all the women around
Da5id says:
Pat Quinn once wrestled a Yeti for 3 weeks straight because it looked at his sister funny. Afterwords he and the Yeti became the best of friends. To this day Pat let’s Tie Domi play on his team.
Foo says:
Are you sure?
Da5id says:
it’s what I heard.
Foo says:
I heard that Pat Quinn once went to take a crap and came out of the bathroom 48 hours later, sweating. Turns out, he’d managed to somehow impregnate himself, and from that immaculate conception a tiny, misshapen clone was created
That clone was Tie Domi
Da5id says:
Maybe he was a yeti too.
Foo says:
Perhaps. There was time between his birth and playing for the Leafs
Da5id says:
I heard before every game Pat Quinn carves the Air Canada Center from a giant hunk of granite.
Using only his fingernails and elbow grease.
Foo says:
That one’s true for sure
Because after every game, he tips the Centre over and swallows the crowd to sustain him
It’s only due to Canada’s lax immigration laws and long winters that we have the population to keep him under control
Da5id says:
Pat is very strict about who he lets on the team. He’ll only accept a new player if he can last against Pat Quinn in a 10 minute wrestling match. That’s why Godzilla doesn’t play for the Leafs.
Foo says:
King Kong almost made it, but the biplanes got him
(that’s in the pre-interview)
Da5id says:
Pat Quinn is constantly followed around by biplanes
they are always circling, looking for signs of weakness.. but so far have found none.
Foo says:
When Pat Quinn had his heart attack, the biplanes thought they had a chance. They failed and were crafted into an artificial heart of cosmic size and power. Many Bothans died to bring us this information.
Da5id says:
During the off-season Pat Quinn hibernates in a cave somewhere in the Yukon. As he slumbers nearby settlements gather a tribute of foodstuffs and riches to place at the mouth of his cave. When he awakens, he devours the tribute to sustain his strength. If he finds the tribute unsatisfactory he cross checks the town and punches them in the face.
Pat Quinn once had his own TV show. It was called "Pat Quinn: So Awesome!" They made it by attaching a camera rig to his back while he slumbered. Each week viewers would watch as Pat went around being awesome and cross checking people.
This went on until Pat Quinn cross checked the Queen. This was so awesome it caused all the TV sets in the world to simultaneously explode. This is why they made HDTV
Foo says:
Canada has one of the world’s smallest armies when judged as a percentage of the overall population, yet somehow maintains a world presence and reputation for being peacekeepers and upstanding citizens of the UN. The reason for this is Canada’s secret weapon, a weapon more powerful than nuclear arms, and the H-, A-, and Gamma-bomb.
This weapon is known as Pat Quinn’s hair.
Da5id says:
The follicle bomb.
or F-bomb.
Foo says:
he drops the F-bomb quite often, I hear
Da5id says:
Pat Quinn once cloned himself 5 times so he could make the ultimate hockey team. They won the Stanley Cup so many times that eventually they were disqualified, and went around doing shows, like the Harlem Globetrotters, but more awesome.
Foo says:
I had heard that!
Da5id says:
Pat Quinn is a really tough coach. In order to provide motivation each time the Leafs lose Pat Quinn kills one of the Leaf players as an example. This hurts him most of all because he loves each one like a son.
Foo says:
Pat Quinn once threw a dinner party for the entire Leafs’ staff. During the preparations, he realised that a large contingent of homeless people had arrived outside of his door also looking for handouts. Sensing the chance to do deed for good (and also awesome), he killed and skinned every homeless person and fed them roasted to the staff later that night.
As a bonus cost-reduction measure, many of those staff members refused to eat again after that and succumbed two years later to malnutrition. On their deathbeds, every one of them said simply, "I regret nothing. Pat Quinn is awesome."
Da5id says:
Everytime Pat Quinn holds a hockey stick, the clouds part and he is bathed in a beam of light, with angelic choirs singing his praise. This was cool at first, but then got really annoying. This is why Pat Quinn cross checked God.
Foo says:
This is unknown to many, but Pat Quinn was actually born in the time of Christ. He was raised as a son of the Pharoah, and for a time was content. Upon discovering the plight of his people, however, he challenged the Pharoah to a game he’d invented. When Pharoah accepted, he crosschecked the Pharoah and punched him in the face. This is the first recorded instance of a hockey game being played
<Transcription Ends>